There is a change in me

this year

i sense it

I feel it in my bones

as i get older

i grow as a person

learning new things about myself

takin new lessons about life

i see those around me differently as well

Ive b een thru so much in four years

thigns that never should have happened

and im lucky to have been alive thru it all

i hope this year brings all new changes

i hope i get smarter about who will be in my close circle

who i allow in my life

time is short

and there is not time to stand by with negative people in your life

i wanna live life

do somethin crazy and memorable

somethin my kids can be told

i wanna love freely and strongly

i wanna give myself to someone that deserves me

but i wanna be cautious on who i give myself to

Love in my adult years has been hard on me

ive had alot of heartbreaks

but ive also learned from it

what i want and what i dont want

and that i deserve to be treated as a queen that i am

and nothing less

i wont settle for nothign below what i deserve

and still my heart is strong

because it believes someday i will have that

love will find me when i least expect it

so i open my arms and embrace it when it comes.

Time doesnt make the pain go away

time only stands still for that one memory

the day you left me

are you happy up in heaven

i hope that u are

i miss the touch of your skin

and the way you would surprise me with thelittlest things

i wish u ewre here with me

the pain is still fresh

adn the memories still stay with me forever

no passing of time could make me forget how it was

no time coudl make me forget how precious it was

except i never knew how short time was

i alwasy thought i had all the time in the world

if u were here i know i'd be much happier

because you were in my life

u made thigns better

and you gave me strength to want things better for you

as teh n ew year rings in

i'll think of you and all the times we shared

i loved you more than anything in the world

I was lucky to have you in my life

for the short time it was

i hope youll be smiling down on me

and i'll   tell your siblings about you

how special u were

how blessed i was

to have a wonderful child like you

my lil one

you will always be in my heart forever.

will our love stand the test of time

or will it sink under the pressure

i want to believe that it will stand the test of time

thta we'll always be together

but it all depends on the obstacles thrown our way

it all depends on how much your willinig to do for our love

are uwilling to go that extra mile

willing to do anything for me, for us

cuz it all depends on our future

the future is nothing without your guidance

without your love

it is the path to happiness and tru love

will u make it your obligation to gurantee that future

i know what u say

but actions speak louder than words

so showm e how  much you love me

dont just say

go forth

and conquer this world

and let us forever be the glue that holds teh future together.

There's a glimmer of hope

shining high above me

if only i coudl reach it

and not stray from teh spot

wish as i might it may come tru

this simple wish

its all my heart desires

to be happy and free

to take teh path that was meant for me

i must change in order to see the light

the way i see

for many years its been gloom and doom

and dreary

when i thought all hope was lost

but im trying to believe that things will get better

i have to

its all i hold on to

ist all i hold near and dear to me

i want a better life

not just for me

but for the child i may have in the future

i dont wanna struggle

or let them see me unhappy

i must do what i must

in order to keep teh dream alive

I must strive on

and complete the path that was heavenly sent to me.

I dream u sweep me off my feet

with your charm and sincerity

your love for me knows no bounds

you smother me with your affection

adn never let me go out of your tender touch

you whisper to me sweet nothings in my ear as i go out to leave

you give me sweet kisses thru the day and night

our days are filled with passion adn sensual love

when we join together its liek we are completing each other

you cant live without me

and i cant live without you

you tell me you love me everyday and it brings joy to my heart

we will be together finally

joined in matrimony

with our lives ahead of us

and our dreams will be full filled

loving you is easy to me

cuz u are my dream man

and i know one day you will be for real.

Depths of sadness sweeps me away

Im drowning in my fears

falling deep into the abyss of uncertainty

who can save me

i guess i am truly the only one that can

but how do i

when teh struggle is so hard

so difficult

I dont see hope on the horizon soon enough

it is so distant

everyday is a struggle

to live my life

to try and stay afloat

thru all the murkiness of stress adn tension

when will it end

seems never

never will i see hope in my life

hope is untangible to me

i cant grasp it

cant feel the touch

it is invisible

and only comes when it wants to

so how will i find it if it is so.

I'm tired of feelign hurt

and disappointed

tired of your lies and excuses

why do i put up with it

u showin me you dont love me like you say

If u hurt the one you love it shows you really dont love that person

One day you will realize what u had was good

and youll regret how u treated me

One day youll see me happy and wish it was you that made me that way

wish that u coudl hold me in your arms again

give me sweet kisses like y ou did when we were together

but i dont think u deserve me

what u want is someoen different than me

im my own person

and a great woman

but there is only so much one person can take

until u have to say its time to move on

time to go on with life

when i am gone

youll wish i was there

by your side

but i wont be there.

I dream of yesteryear

when things were easy

so simple

wish i could go back to those years

when all i cared about was barbies and playin double dutch with my friend

but thign are so complicated now

there is money troubles

there are relationship troubles

there are friendships gone bad

how do u get away from all that

how do u get away from the haunting of the past

everyday is a reminder in your face b out what u did wrong

so many secrets you have to keep

to protect people's feelings

it bogs you down

nothing ever seems to be bout you

but more about others

your so worried about what they think

u cant even be yourself anymore

u become somethin  you dont wanna be

just to please others

how do u get the real you back

is it thru faith

or thru isolating yourself from everyone

i wonder

what its like not to have my problems

i wonder if i can live thru all these obstacles

its a life i dont want

but i have to deal with it

because there is no other way to go.

Dear Father

I'm trying to hold my  head up and let you show me the way

but its hard

time is so long

and times are hard

All i ask is you hear my prayer

that you help me out and listen to my pleas

Time on this earth has not been kind to me

And people forget about me and think only of themselves

I give them my all and they always disappoint me

Is there no one i can put my trust in?

All there seems to be is me

Love is all i ask for

I dont ask for nothing i cant give

But love is not what i get back

Im tired of putting myself out there and getting hurt

When will people realize its not all about them

I've been hurt so many times i cant count on my fingers

By people i thought cared about me

to find that they only think of themselves is a hard pill to swallow

I've been through alot in my life

alot that could have been prevented

if only i spoke up if only i followed my mind

and realized you were there to pick me up

and that u wouldnt put anything in my way that i coudlnt handle

im ashamed to say that i cared more about what people thought then how i felt

i put others before me

But now I've taken a stand to be more outspoken and protest when peopel treat me bad or want me to do things that are not with your Word

I'm learning that i am a new woman

that all i got is my faith and belief in you to see me through to the end

But sometimes i cant see what is in front of me because my vision is blurred by people's words

I know there is hope

i just gotta hang on

I'm trying my best dear Father

Please be with me and keep me in mind in your blessings

and dont forget about me

cuz i am not a lost soul

im just a human being trying to find her way.

Save me from this abyss of sorrow

save me from this madness

take me away to heaven's earth

carry me to the light

let me breathe

so that i may have peace

iam drownin in my own sadness

and i cant seem to get out

each day it gest harder and harder to swim thru the murkiness

wotn somebody help me

is there a beacon, a light at the end of the tunnel

i feel liek i cant take much more

i need a sign of soem kind

that this feeling wont be forever

that one day i will know what happiness again

that it wont be temporary

that somehow there is a new beginning for me

somehow

someway.